I love having a window seat on a plane, especially on a clear day or night. You can see houses, swimming pools, cars, mountains, etc. On Sunday, March 28, 2010, Matt and I boarded a plane headed for Ethiopia. I was very pleased that I had a window seat on both flights. These plane rides were ones filled with expectations, high hopes and dreams, as we knew that our children were waiting for us on the other side.
On the second flight from Germany to Ethiopia the skies were clear and I was able to see the Mediterranean Sea. It was so blue and beautiful. As the plane flew over Northwest Africa all I could see was desert for hours. It was overwhelming! We flew over Khartoum, Sudan and there was no green in sight! Only desert. And then all of the sudden there was GREEN as we flew closer and closer to Ethiopia.
Fast-forward about 8 months to November 16th. This is the day that I was officially diagnosed with MDS at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in NYC. The next day, November 17th, Matt and I boarded a plane at night headed back to Dalton, GA with very heavy hearts. It was also the day of our 9th wedding anniversary, but there wasn’t much celebrating! Months before we had boarded a plane to Ethiopia filled with high hopes, but this flight was filled with much different emotions. I had a window seat again and as the plane took off, we could see the NYC skyline. I was listening to a song called “Healer” by Kari Jobe. As I looked out the window of the plane there was one thing that stood out to me. Little GREEN football/baseball fields lit up with lights. They were everywhere I looked. And I began to think about how much I was looking forward to Abreham and Eyasu playing sports. My heart began to break as I thought that I might not be here to experience this with them in the future! Tears began to stream down my face. I tried to just look out the window so that Matt wouldn’t see my tears. I wanted to be strong, but I felt so very helpless and weak in that moment.
Sports had been an important part of my life growing up. All three of my brothers played football and they were 13, 10 and 7 years older than me. I remember them teaching me how to throw a spiral, run routes and catch passes in our back yard. When Matt and I found out that we were adopting two boys, one of my first thoughts was that I could not wait to teach my boys how to throw a perfect spiral! And sitting on that plane that night I was heartbroken because I didn’t know if I would ever get to experience this with the children that God had given me just 8 months earlier. I continued to listen to “Healer” by Kari Jobe over and over again.
“Healer” by Kari Jobe
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging sea
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe
I believe You’re my portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus, You’re all I need
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
In the midst of being heart broken in that moment, God used the words of this song to bring me hope because nothing is impossible for him! He surely does hold my world in his hands. He also holds Eyasu and Abreham in his hands. Someone is going to teach them to throw a perfect spiral on a field of GREEN! I long for it to be me, but I’ll just have to trust that God has a perfect game plan.
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
"Healer" by Kari Jobi http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=W_1e_Yy8MaI
